Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
