I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
