I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
