woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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