Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
