i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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