I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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