For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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