Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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