3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Text me some of your sweat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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