Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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