There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
