I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
