Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
