I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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