i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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