first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
