It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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