I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
