i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
