sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
