Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
