WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
