Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize