your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wanna go halves on a baby?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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