Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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