Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
