yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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