She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize