New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
