me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
