Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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