I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
