you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
