What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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