What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
