I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
