Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
