I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
