My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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