I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
