you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
