70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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