It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
