Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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