I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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