Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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