I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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