I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
