I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
