Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
