I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
