You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
