i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
