If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
