I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
