Can i not drive my cunt home
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
