Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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