Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
