got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
