he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
