you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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