I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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