I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
