I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
