it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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