I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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